I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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