omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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