Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
