I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
