You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
