Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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