just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
zippers are such a cool invention
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
