I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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