I'm lost and stupid without you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
