East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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