i dont even know how to be here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
