The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
