NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
