He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
