What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
