I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
