Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize