I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
