Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Two words: nipple clamps
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