So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
