In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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