"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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