i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it fun? or sober?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
