We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
