Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
