just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize