he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
