those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
