I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
