i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize