you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
