I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
