You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
