my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
