mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
