oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
