I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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