i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
