I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
