I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
