I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize