i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
