i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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