I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
