I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize