Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
