Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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