Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
