D3 body, D1 cock
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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