Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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