i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
