OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
