At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
