Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sarcasm needs its own font
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
