suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
