my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize