we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
