Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
