Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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