The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
