the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
