If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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