im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
