Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize