areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is Oprah even human
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
