I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize